Sunday, August 24, 2008

Ubuntu 9.1 Smooth Shuffle

Hello, I am talking to you. Yes you, the one with a powerful laptop running a dysfunctional copy of XP. I know you want to start using Linux. Not because of all these cool features and programs, but because you want to rid yourself from viruses, bugs, trojan horses, security flaws, stolen credit card numbers, bloated applications and what not.

You want to get rid of it but there is too much data on it. Too many bookmarks, too many documents and cookies and pictures. I know you don't have the time to make a full backup. Maybe you don't even know how to make a full backup. Maybe your IT requires you to run a special VPN program, which only runs on Windows. You are stuck.

On October 28, you will be unstuck. You will reclaim your PC without losing your windows installation, data and settings.

Introducing Ubuntu 9.1 Smooth Shuffle. Here is how it works: You download the CD, pop it in your laptop and attach an external USB drive and reboot. The installation program is completely automatic and starts running. Now you go out to your favorite Starbucks and enjoy a fine beverage. While you are gone, Ubuntu installer will convert your Windows installation to a virtual machine format, copy it over to the external drive, install Ubuntu as the main operating system, bring back the windows virtual machine on the laptop as one of the applications, make a full backup of everything, reboot itself and wait for you with a shuffling card deck screen saver.

When you return, you will have a brand new operating system which will run XP as one of the applications within it. You will run XP when you want to, or have to. At other times you will continue to enjoy the worlds finest operating system along with free and stable applications.

On October 28, you will not be the only one; millions of users around the world will reclaim their independence from XP. You will join them in celebrating your newfound independence. You will call it the smoothest shuffle you have ever made.

Important Disclaimer:
None of this is true. I have nothing to do with Ubuntu except in that I am a big fan. This is all a figment of my imagination. However, if they did come up with something like this, they could put the genie back in the bottle. Literally.


Anonymous said...

You had me at "hello"... and all the way to the disclaimer. I can't believe as I read this I actually was thinking, "yes! perfect."

Haha. Good one.

mark mian said...

Thanks. You had me at you had me.

Zac Gerber said...

I switched to Ubuntu 9.04 Jaunty (can't wait for Koala) and I love it! Luckily for me the switch over was painless, because I keep all of my files on a 300gb external formatted in fat32 any way. But when I read this I was like 'wow!!!'. Haha. I had to read the disclaimer almost 5 times before I had to accept reality. That was well written. Too bad there isn't such a thing though. It'd be handy. :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, they'll have that in a future version codenamed "Whacking 'Windows Killer' Wallaby".

And it'll even go to Starbucks to get your (insert favorite beverage here) for you.

Gary said...

ARRGHH!!! :)

You fooled me too. I was thinking, "this is great!"

I was wondering if my external hard-drive was big enough. Ubuntu should get this working as number one priority!

Zach Lawhorn said...

LMAO. Im an IT student who gets alot of flack from my teacher because I use Ubuntu. I was so excited that right I got to the disclaimer I ran into his office in excitement explaining how awesome it was. Sit back down and read the disclaimer. Imagine me sulking back into his office and admitting defeat. We had a good laugh.